Saxon Security Detail
We’re organising a universe-wide network!

Attention all those loyal to the Master:

Please direct you attention to your immediate right.  We are trying to start a network to locate the JOURNAL OF RIVER SONG.  

If you have any information of the location of a blue, TARDIS-shaped leather journal, PLEASE SUBMIT INFORMATION TO US ON THE RIGHT.

A recent sweep of the Storm Cage Holding Facility proved a failure, an embarrassment to the entire Valiant Security team.  To disappoint the Master is the utmost shame, and were we not bound to right our wrong, we would surely cast ourselves from the Master’s extremely impressive floating warship.

WE MUST FIND THIS JOURNAL.  Anyone giving information leading to progress in our search will be rewarded.  You want to get out of those dingy factories and into the sky with the Master and his lovely wife Lucy, don’t you?

Find us this journal (or set us on its trail) and we’ll turn those fantasies of wearing one of these ravishing black helmets into a reality:


For Lord and Master!
- Security 

Dear loyal security squad,

New mission. Steal River Song's notebook for me. Use any means necessary - but don't kill or maim her or the Doctor. I'm running up quite a tab of Paradoxes already.

Sincerely,

Your Lord and Master

Master,

We’re working on infiltrating the prison where she’s being held.  Surely the notebook has been stored with the rest of her belongings.  

While we’re there, what size shoe does Mrs. Saxon wear?  From what I hear, River Song has a marvelous collection of shoes.

Ever Your Servants,
- Security

Cuddlefic time!

silencingthedrums:

Holy shit, this may be the first G-rated (PG-rated?) thing I’ve posted on my blog, ever.  It’s pointless and not very good, but I wanted cuddlefic, damnit, so I wrote some. 

—-

The Master was a deceptively peaceful creature in sleep.  Always had been.  The moments before the pair of them fell asleep had been some of the Doctor’s favorite when they were younger, once his violent counterpart had been exhausted by hours and hours of complex calculations.  They’d come in at the end of the day and collapse, frequently in the same bed, and Koschei would be out in an instant, snatching up as much nightmare-free slumber as he could.  Now, the Doctor wasn’t so certain about this situation.

Read More

Dear Delinquent,

Or Master is QUITE unhappy about this atrocity that suggests that our Lord and Master is both a) fragile and b) cuddly.  He demands that you remove this propaganda immediately. 

THINK OF THE GUNS, SLAVE.  It’s our head on the line as well, and trust us, you don’t want to upset us, you know, because of the GUNS.

GUNS. GUNS. GUNS.
- Security

WANTED
Name: RossiterSpecies: VinvocciCrimes: Assault inflicted upon the Master, Impersonating an Officer of the Guard
The fugitive is suspected to be using a shimmer.  If you have any information on this rogue, report it and be rewarded with a week’s rations.
DO YOUR DUTY. CONSTANT VIGILANCE FOR LORD AND MASTER. 

WANTED

Name: Rossiter
Species: Vinvocci
Crimes: Assault inflicted upon the Master, Impersonating an Officer of the Guard

The fugitive is suspected to be using a shimmer.  If you have any information on this rogue, report it and be rewarded with a week’s rations.

DO YOUR DUTY. CONSTANT VIGILANCE FOR LORD AND MASTER. 

teaboyianto:

valiantsecurity:

teaboyianto:

saxonsays:

valiantsecurity:

teaboyianto:

valiantsecurity:

captainoftheinnuendosquad:

ooo..Heh…;)

HARKNESS:
If you and your little team ever steal surveillance like this from our security footage again, we’ll make up for the fact that you can’t die by killing four of your closest friends, if you’re reading us…- Security 

How about not using my picture when you go bullying and shitting around.

Listen here, tea boy, you think your little temper fit is going to scare us off, think again.  You think you’re so tough now that Jackie has taken an interest in spreading chocolate hazelnut spread all over you, but at then end of the day, remember your place: you belong on the outside of that tacky beaded curtain.
And yes, we know where your little secret headquarters are.  You really should tell the Scooby Gang to stop ordering pizzas under Torchwood…- Security 


Yes, I’m really scared now. Owen gets in better barbs then you. Go back to your little school of how to be evil and ask your money back. I’ve faced my fiancée trying to kill me, human cannibals and an assortment of aliens far more threatening then you.  You’re nothing but a want to be big bad bully.
And it’s not the pizza’s. It’s the giant black car Jack insist to drive around in like a mad man. It makes him happy. Let him. 

I suppose he needs some sort of release when the sex isn’t suiting him.  Far be it for us to rob him of his only pleasure. We’ll let him drive his little car around then.
Aliens, pterodactyls, the bloody Weevils?  All child’s play.  Humans have the greatest capacity for evil.  Even Jack’s Doctor would agree with that.  Did your little boyfriend find out what the Toclafane were during the Great Year?  Your pretty blue eyes would look nice in one, that’s all I’m saying.  Quite an anger in you…
You’re really too easy, Ianto Jones.  Not even worth our time, really.  But we’ll be watching anyway.  You and your precious Captain.- Security

I’m human, don’t you think I know what we’re capable off? I’d be a fine exampel fo that.
Wrong. You and your obvious very human little barbs aren’t worth our time. You can take your perversion elsewhere. Ever considered just simply downloading some porn?

No need when we can flip a switch and watch yours and Jackie’s tussles at our leisure.  Or do you get off on that? Tsk tsk.- Security 

teaboyianto:

valiantsecurity:

teaboyianto:

saxonsays:

valiantsecurity:

teaboyianto:

valiantsecurity:

captainoftheinnuendosquad:

ooo..Heh…;)

HARKNESS:

If you and your little team ever steal surveillance like this from our security footage again, we’ll make up for the fact that you can’t die by killing four of your closest friends, if you’re reading us…
- Security 

How about not using my picture when you go bullying and shitting around.

Listen here, tea boy, you think your little temper fit is going to scare us off, think again.  You think you’re so tough now that Jackie has taken an interest in spreading chocolate hazelnut spread all over you, but at then end of the day, remember your place: you belong on the outside of that tacky beaded curtain.

And yes, we know where your little secret headquarters are.  You really should tell the Scooby Gang to stop ordering pizzas under Torchwood…
- Security 

Yes, I’m really scared now. Owen gets in better barbs then you. Go back to your little school of how to be evil and ask your money back. I’ve faced my fiancée trying to kill me, human cannibals and an assortment of aliens far more threatening then you.  You’re nothing but a want to be big bad bully.

And it’s not the pizza’s. It’s the giant black car Jack insist to drive around in like a mad man. It makes him happy. Let him. 

I suppose he needs some sort of release when the sex isn’t suiting him.  Far be it for us to rob him of his only pleasure. We’ll let him drive his little car around then.

Aliens, pterodactyls, the bloody Weevils?  All child’s play.  Humans have the greatest capacity for evil.  Even Jack’s Doctor would agree with that.  Did your little boyfriend find out what the Toclafane were during the Great Year?  Your pretty blue eyes would look nice in one, that’s all I’m saying.  Quite an anger in you…

You’re really too easy, Ianto Jones.  Not even worth our time, really.  But we’ll be watching anyway.  You and your precious Captain.
- Security

I’m human, don’t you think I know what we’re capable off? I’d be a fine exampel fo that.

Wrong. You and your obvious very human little barbs aren’t worth our time. You can take your perversion elsewhere. Ever considered just simply downloading some porn?

No need when we can flip a switch and watch yours and Jackie’s tussles at our leisure.  Or do you get off on that? Tsk tsk.
- Security 

teaboyianto:

saxonsays:

valiantsecurity:

teaboyianto:

valiantsecurity:

captainoftheinnuendosquad:

ooo..Heh…;)

HARKNESS:
If you and your little team ever steal surveillance like this from our security footage again, we’ll make up for the fact that you can’t die by killing four of your closest friends, if you’re reading us…- Security 

How about not using my picture when you go bullying and shitting around.

Listen here, tea boy, you think your little temper fit is going to scare us off, think again.  You think you’re so tough now that Jackie has taken an interest in spreading chocolate hazelnut spread all over you, but at then end of the day, remember your place: you belong on the outside of that tacky beaded curtain.
And yes, we know where your little secret headquarters are.  You really should tell the Scooby Gang to stop ordering pizzas under Torchwood…- Security 


Yes, I’m really scared now. Owen gets in better barbs then you. Go back to your little school of how to be evil and ask your money back. I’ve faced my fiancée trying to kill me, human cannibals and an assortment of aliens far more threatening then you.  You’re nothing but a want to be big bad bully.
And it’s not the pizza’s. It’s the giant black car Jack insist to drive around in like a mad man. It makes him happy. Let him. 

I suppose he needs some sort of release when the sex isn’t suiting him.  Far be it for us to rob him of his only pleasure. We’ll let him drive his little car around then.
Aliens, pterodactyls, the bloody Weevils?  All child’s play.  Humans have the greatest capacity for evil.  Even Jack’s Doctor would agree with that.  Did your little boyfriend find out what the Toclafane were during the Great Year?  Your pretty blue eyes would look nice in one, that’s all I’m saying.  Quite an anger in you…
You’re really too easy, Ianto Jones.  Not even worth our time, really.  But we’ll be watching anyway.  You and your precious Captain.- Security

teaboyianto:

saxonsays:

valiantsecurity:

teaboyianto:

valiantsecurity:

captainoftheinnuendosquad:

ooo..Heh…;)

HARKNESS:

If you and your little team ever steal surveillance like this from our security footage again, we’ll make up for the fact that you can’t die by killing four of your closest friends, if you’re reading us…
- Security 

How about not using my picture when you go bullying and shitting around.

Listen here, tea boy, you think your little temper fit is going to scare us off, think again.  You think you’re so tough now that Jackie has taken an interest in spreading chocolate hazelnut spread all over you, but at then end of the day, remember your place: you belong on the outside of that tacky beaded curtain.

And yes, we know where your little secret headquarters are.  You really should tell the Scooby Gang to stop ordering pizzas under Torchwood…
- Security 

Yes, I’m really scared now. Owen gets in better barbs then you. Go back to your little school of how to be evil and ask your money back. I’ve faced my fiancée trying to kill me, human cannibals and an assortment of aliens far more threatening then you.  You’re nothing but a want to be big bad bully.

And it’s not the pizza’s. It’s the giant black car Jack insist to drive around in like a mad man. It makes him happy. Let him. 

I suppose he needs some sort of release when the sex isn’t suiting him.  Far be it for us to rob him of his only pleasure. We’ll let him drive his little car around then.

Aliens, pterodactyls, the bloody Weevils?  All child’s play.  Humans have the greatest capacity for evil.  Even Jack’s Doctor would agree with that.  Did your little boyfriend find out what the Toclafane were during the Great Year?  Your pretty blue eyes would look nice in one, that’s all I’m saying.  Quite an anger in you…

You’re really too easy, Ianto Jones.  Not even worth our time, really.  But we’ll be watching anyway.  You and your precious Captain.
- Security

teaboyianto:

valiantsecurity:

captainoftheinnuendosquad:

ooo..Heh…;)

HARKNESS:
If you and your little team ever steal surveillance like this from our security footage again, we’ll make up for the fact that you can’t die by killing four of your closest friends, if you’re reading us…- Security 

How about not using my picture when you go bullying and shitting around.

Listen here, tea boy, you think your little temper fit is going to scare us off, think again.  You think you’re so tough now that Jackie has taken an interest in spreading chocolate hazelnut spread all over you, but at then end of the day, remember your place: you belong on the outside of that tacky beaded curtain.
And yes, we know where your little secret headquarters are.  You really should tell the Scooby Gang to stop ordering pizzas under Torchwood…- Security 

teaboyianto:

valiantsecurity:

captainoftheinnuendosquad:

ooo..Heh…;)

HARKNESS:

If you and your little team ever steal surveillance like this from our security footage again, we’ll make up for the fact that you can’t die by killing four of your closest friends, if you’re reading us…
- Security 

How about not using my picture when you go bullying and shitting around.

Listen here, tea boy, you think your little temper fit is going to scare us off, think again.  You think you’re so tough now that Jackie has taken an interest in spreading chocolate hazelnut spread all over you, but at then end of the day, remember your place: you belong on the outside of that tacky beaded curtain.

And yes, we know where your little secret headquarters are.  You really should tell the Scooby Gang to stop ordering pizzas under Torchwood…
- Security 

captainoftheinnuendosquad:

ooo..Heh…;)

HARKNESS:
If you and your little team ever steal surveillance like this from our security footage again, we’ll make up for the fact that you can’t die by killing four of your closest friends, if you’re reading us…- Security 

captainoftheinnuendosquad:

ooo..Heh…;)

HARKNESS:

If you and your little team ever steal surveillance like this from our security footage again, we’ll make up for the fact that you can’t die by killing four of your closest friends, if you’re reading us…
- Security 

valiantsecurity:

saxonsays:

silencingthedrums:

Complete gratuitous, ridiculous, totally AU, completely G-rated cuddlefic.

Yeah, we already know how you feel, Mr. Saxon. Bug off.

I will destroy everything you love.

Master, it seems this human is not usually prone to…

It has been done, my Master.
- Security 

Today’s task:

silencingthedrums:

Complete gratuitous, ridiculous, totally AU, completely G-rated cuddlefic.

Yeah, we already know how you feel, Mr. Saxon.  Bug off.

ATTENTION DISLOYAL HUMAN SLAVE:

On behalf of our Lord and Master, we order you to cease and desist this blasphemous “task” you have set before you.  We trust that since you claim to know how the Master would feel about this scar on the face of human literature that this is a blatant act of rebellion against him.

Do yourself a favour and stop now.  You’re lucky that the Master has allowed us to come and impart the warning.  Lesser creatures (read: Toclafane) would have shredded your skin to ribbons by now.  

Toclafane may have blades, but we have guns.  Lots of them.  Big ones.

We expect to have all notes, scraps and preferably a finished piece for the Master to read aloud as he destroys a small city within the hour.

Do not try to resist.  Think of the guns.  There are lots of places to shoot before we kill you.
- Security